Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in skcartman1's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, November 18th, 2006
2:46 pm	So maybe I was the ignorant one... After receiving a stupid email from my brother about politics, I decided to send the long-winded response seen below. Whether I made good points is irrelevant, as i'm pretty sure he never read it. His next email included points such as "What if they HAD found WMDs? Boy your face would have been red," and "Only hippies care about gas mileage." OK, so i'm definitely not the ignorant one, at least not politically. I may have been ignorant in assuming that I could change someone else's beliefs, however. But this is where my problem with politics lies... there is a reason that I'm "moderate" on facebook and that I don't talk to anyone about politics unless i'm very sure of their stances on things. People take politics way too seriously. Whether they pay attention to news or not is irrelevant, people develop an opinion and find it necessary to tell everyone else that their's is wrong. Whatever happened to listening to other people's opinions, or having open-mindedness? Granted, I didnt exactly give my brother much of a chance, but still. If he had actively tried to argue against the points I made, I would at least accept that he had a reasonable opinion. But 99% of the time when I talk to people about politics, it ends up way too emotional, and regardless of the logic behind their opinion, they're just stuck to it. I'm not always a lot better, but I at least try to listen to people. I don't devote myself to one party because I agree with different parties on different issues (though I tend to consider myself a moderate liberal). There are maybe 3 people I can talk to about political issues at this point and have an intelligent conversation. It's just not worth it anymore I guess I used to expect more of people, and that they would try to listen at least once in a while. Basically as you get older it comes down to this... you talk to the people who tend to agree with you, because its not worth the struggle you have to face otherwise. What's bad about this is that no one will ever consider different sides of opinions, they just stick to what they believe because everyone else they talk to about politics believes the same thing. It would just be nice if people tried to understand varying viewpoints once in a while. So yes, my brother made a reasonable point. Long-term capital gains taxes really don't affect individuals, but small businesses invest in other companies to make money. Reducing the tax allows them to invest more readily which keeps the market going. However, this doesn't mean that Democrats are always bad for business, just like Republicans aren't always good for it either. And this doesn't eliminate other facts about the recent administration -- thousands of people died from this war. Whether it did anything is debatable, but I had a serious problem with it. Please keep in mind when you're debating political issues with people that a lot of times they won't agree with you. Try to listen and be open-minded about things, and maybe someday politics won't be such a big deal. (Comment on this)
Friday, November 10th, 2006
10:30 am	Yes, I'm posting again (for now) So, I haven't posted in over 2 years. Reason is, I got busy, and I didn't feel the need to post my daily or hourly whinings for everyone to see. I think its more important to learn to deal with those things yourself. Further, if it's really personal, I would rather write it in my own journal than online for everyone to see. In conclusion, I'll be using this to post more random things--my views on bigger things like world situations, or random observations that I find interesting, things like that. If I end up just using this site to whine about daily occurrences I will just stop using it. Keeping that in mind, I came back because I got an email from my brother today. After sending a link about how the Democrats retook Congress to my Dad, Eva, and my brother, I got the following response: Being in business you should really change your political stances. Markets tanked because word that they’d lobby to get rid of the long term capital gains capped at 15%. Yeah……great news steve. After having heard responses like this from him for years, I decided to stop just taking it. I am sick of ignorant people throwing out things like this who, in fact, know nothing about the issues and cannot form a coherent opinion to support their side. So this is what I wrote back. I think my opinions speak for themselves, so I don't find a need to elaborate in this post anymore: Yeah, those 15% long-term cap gains always saved me on my taxes every year. :-P Aside from that, the major policies of the Bush administration have been: 1) Spending billions of dollars on a war instead of working on fixing our fledgling economy, which is FINALLY starting to come back after how many years? Oh yeah, and we could have been years ahead on things like energy-efficient cars, which in fact has hurt our economy tons more because Japanese and Chinese auto manufacturers have been actually making a profit while GM and Ford, who refuse to make cars that run about 25 MPG have been failing and will probably need a government bailout. The fact is that the economy was far better in the 90's under our last president. Oh yeah, and he was a Democrat. 2) Screwing up our foreign policy by alienating tons of allies by focusing so much energy on this war and going against the entire UN by going there in the first place. Any business major knows that we are living in a highly globalized economy which requires us to have strong foreign relationships with other countries. How many countries are going to willingly trade with us if we go against the UN? Oh wait, I forgot about Poland... 3) Instead of trying to catch bin Laden like we should have been, we wasted all this effort on Iraq. As of yet, NO CORRELATIONS have been found between Al-Queda and Iraq. The 9/11 Commission Report proved this like, 3-4 years ago? But of course, I guess your old manager managed to prove it somehow with information you never actually sent me and which probably doesn't exist. If he had honestly proved this, he would not be at a mutual fund company, he would be in Washington. 4) Ignoring environmental problems. See "An Inconvenient Truth." Oh wait, i'm sure you won't because a Democrat made the movie. The truth is, the movie is scientific fact, not a bunch of Michael Moore based propaganda. We kind of need the environment to live somewhere beyond the next 50 years on this planet. I know lots of other business majors who are Democrats. Being in auditing, it is somewhat helpful to have a skeptical approach to business activities. When the president and vice president have links to tons of energy companies, who they'll do anything to protect even if they are commiting frauds, I would say that kind of hinders my basic job. Oh wait, you said back in the Spring when you were talking loudly over me when I was on the phone with my manager that "it's just an audit." The truth is, the market crashed in 1929 because of a lack of confidence of investors, because the auditing and reporting functions were NOT working correctly. Without auditing, we would not have a working economy, and the whole Enron/WorldCom debacle would have caused another great depression. The only good thing Bush did regarding this is sign Sarbanes-Oxley, which would have made him look like a complete idiot if he had not signed it. Also, it is important to have diversity in business. The reason things work and that business think of every side of an issue is because they have diverse people with diverse values within their firm. Oh wait, I guess you're a Republican, so you wouldn't understand that. I am not meaning to say I am "anti-Republican." I have voted Republican and will again under certain circumstances. My point is that the country was going in a terrible direction, and that the Bush administration had little to no helpful approach to business in the last 6 years, aside from LTCG tax cuts. The retaking of Congress by Democrats shows that people hate the direction the country is going. And now because of this stupid war and all the money wasted, it probably will be necessary to get rid of your precious LTCG tax. Yeah, so markets tanked a little. I'm sure they will tank a lot more when Republicans with ties to business limit our usefulness as auditors to the point that our job is meaningless. History shows that our country would be screwed in such a situation. We need people who are opposed to those practices, be they Democrat, Independent, or Moderate Republican. It doesn't matter who they are, we just need differing viewpoints to limit such behavior. I have listened to you say that sentence over and over again, that "Democrats aren't good for business." But until you even attempt to make a logical argument to defend your position, as I have done over and over and over when we've talked about this, you have absolutely no basis to even say that. Think before you speak, and don't throw out useless propoganda until you know the facts. Thanks, Steve (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 11th, 2004
11:24 pm	Let me tell you a little bit about my friend, Cindy. I was friends with Cindy while I was in high school. I met her originally in Geometry freshman year, where she sat next to me all year. Since I was a recluse and didn't talk to anyone, I barely said more than a few words to her throughout the year. In my junior year, Cindy was in physics with me. She and I talked a bit, and, eventually, we ended up sharing a table for the good part of the year, about half of it. We shared tables in physics with one other person, so we got to talk to each other a lot. We would do stupid things on in-class assignments like write "Physics is Happiness" at the end of it, because physics in fact sucked and, well, Cindy was just that kind of funny person. She also somehow set up one of the stopwatches during an experiment to go off daily at 9:26. So everyday we sat there staring at the clock and laughing at 9:25, waiting for that alarm to start beeping for a full minute right under our teacher's desk while he was blah-blah-blahing. In Senior year I got stuck in a shitty gym class with a sexist teacher i'd had the year before, and I looked over at the other class at the same time and a lot of my friends were in it, including Cindy. I managed to switch into that class to be with all my friends, and one of the things we did for a unit was go bowling at brunswick zone mon/wed/fri for a month or two. Cindy was a good bowler, she was on the team in high school and such. She and I were on the same team with our other friend, Amy. Once again, since I had a stupid sense of humor, especially around Cindy, we came up with the KFC acronym for our team name (Kilar, Fuller, Cebrzynski). We all graduated and went our own separate ways, and when i talked to her again it was first semester freshman year. She was at Iowa and apparently not enjoying it too much. She ended up dropping out and going to COD back home for the latter half of her second semester, and then started at Benedictine after COD. We had talked about going bowling again sometime, just for old times sake (and since we both liked doing it). Why would I spend all this time talking about someone I don't mention very often? I don't have to tell you that I walked into my apartment Sunday night to have my roommate Sarah ask me if I knew this girl from Downers Grove who died in a car crash earlier that day. Her name was Cynthia Cebrzynski. It's weird the emotions you try to deal with when you hear something like this. Fortunately I had Eva to talk to that night. Still in the denial stage, it didn't really hit me until I was walking to the Union Monday night and suddenly realized I was going to my bowling league. I wondered for a brief second while I bowled if somehow her divine presence could help our team better. People wonder stupid things when they're in pain. Tuesday night is where I got to the point of true insanity. I opened my cell phone address book to find her number still in there, and I called it just to see what would happen. The answering machine, fortunately, didn't have her voice on it. I also tried to send an email to everyone I knew that went to Downers Grove South, not just to let them know but to try to achieve some level of acceptance I hadn't found yet. It was a bit odd sending an email about such a sad topic to people I haven't talked to since I came to this school. Wednesday was not a much better night than Tuesday. Four days and a few hours after having originally found out, I still don't know what I should feel or, more importantly, what I do feel about it. Though Cindy and I didn't talk much outside of school, she is the closest I've been to someone who has died. Typing all of this won't bring her back, but if it helps preserve her memory and gets a few more people to pray for her family, then it at least means something. Dedicated to a positive, funny, and caring friend, and to the best played round of bowling I have ever seen. I miss you, Cindy.
Friday, October 1st, 2004
2:27 pm	HA!!! From the Wall Street Journal Online Poll, www.wsj.com/JournalLinks: Who prevailed in the first presidential debate? George W. Bush: 6277 votes (24%) John Kerry: 17848 votes (68%) It was a tie: 2273 votes (9%) 26398 people have voted so far (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
1:17 pm	Just as a note. I removed last night's journal entry. I was kind of tipsy, overly emotional, and, well, it was just way too personal for everyone to see. If you don't already know i've had problems in the past with people leaving shitty comments on things that are important to me, so it's better to just keep it to myself and the people I feel like talking to in person. Thanks Jessica for the support. Labor day weekend now. I hope everyone's weekend goes well whether you go home or stay here. I'll be catching up on a lot of reading but I'll be around so call if you want to hang out. Talk to you all later. (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 14th, 2004
2:58 am	Interesting... Cor blimey, I taste like Tea. I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You? (Comment on this)
2:45 am	LOCAL H!!! Yes!!! I met Scott Lucas (lead singer) at the Q101 block party earlier tonight (Friday) and I got him to sign the cds i bought! And the show was awesome! I have now also at least found someone who, though they won't listen to local h on an album, can at least respect their live show. And the fact that they hate GW Bush. Thanks Eva. In other news my teeth have been good enough recently that I have been eating pizza for two days, and am going out for filet with my family tomorrow night. Sunday I'm having a family party and can see all my relatives again, and next week i'm probably visiting my grandma in northbrook and on another day hopefully planning some kind of chicago thing to hang out with Rudy and Luis and whoever else wants to come. I'm assuming you guys will probably read this before i have the chance to email but I will soon enough. Maybe Tuesday or Wednesday we can go? In other other news, do not buy stock in anything unless you really know what you're doing. I didn't. Talk to you all later. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, August 12th, 2004
2:05 am	Republican boners, pt. 1 Read in Newsweek, August 16, 2004. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - President George W. Bush, at the signing of the $417 billion defense-spending bill In other news my wisdom teeth are doing a bit better. I'm thinking about just going out to eat with my family on Saturday night anyways (we're supposed to be going to a nice meal in chicago with my brother before I go back). A nice caesar salad, fried calamari, and filet mignon sound kinda good right now. Before that, I finally get to see local h on friday and hopefully somewhere in between finding little ways to make money before i get back down to U of I. Thursday is in a week so i'll see you all then (or soon thereafter)! (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 8th, 2004
12:04 am	Wisdom teeth I'm surprised I didn't write a lot earlier. This week has incredibly sucked to say the least. I can at least say i didnt spend any money, but I haven't done anything. If you ever have your wisdom teeth out, just do not eat for the first week. Jello and pudding and thats it, seriously. Though my dentist said it probably wasn't my fault, i'm sure i had something to do with the fact that I got dry socket. Basically that means i did something that knocked out the blood clot in one of my teeth and it hurts like a bitch for a long time. I finally quit the vicodin today so at least i'm acting normal, but i only stopped taking it cause it wasnt helping the pain at all. If it worked i would still be on it. So with all those things at least I got to see Eva a few times this week and go out for Katie's 21st last night. About 8 of us went out to Friday's just to hang out and have drinks (I basically sat there but oh well). It was fun to see everyone again. I was supposed to go out with them tonight but unfortunately I lost my wallet the other day and couldnt drive today (spent the better part of the day searching all over the house for it). As it turns out my cousin had it from the other day when he came over. Of course he called my cell phone and i barely checked it, assuming that people would call me at home since i'm here the whole time. So I check it AFTER searching fucking everywhere for two days. At least i'll get it back. Well I know other people have gone through this wisdom teeth thing before. Everyone gave me a different impression... so i guess i just assumed it would go OK since my brother was fine with his. As it turns out i thought he had been able to eat steak 4 days after, and it was actually 8 as he tells me today. A little more understandable... though i dont know if i'll be up for that next saturday when my family goes out to dinner, but we'll see. Going to see a musical tomorrow and hang out with eva afterwards. I just want to sleep now so i'm going to. night (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 2nd, 2004
4:41 pm	Annoyed I'm not going to write a novel. I will just say that it's hard to have a close friend call you up at night crying because of the way they're being treated by their friends. To the one who did this: let's all play like big kids and not run around gossiping about each other to all of our friends. It's been a year. Give it up and get a life. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
11:53 pm	Quick things So a few notes before I leave tomorrow morning. Yes I will be at U of I on Friday, and on Saturday i'll be back around home for Patrice's BBQ. Things going on in my life: - As of this past Tuesday, I no longer work at the YMCA. Ever. They were giving me crap about doing this child abuse prevention thing this thursday or else i cant work past aug 1. Can't tomorrow since i'm out of town so I quit instead. - On the similar subject, I can't do that training tomorrow because it's me and Eva's 1 year anniversary! Rock on to us! Screw the YMCA! - Music saves me from being way too damn bored back in the suburbs (esp when everyone else is working or in class). So i've been listening to a lot of this to save myself: The Beatles--Hard Day's Night ("I Should Have Known Better", "Tell Me Why") Local H - Here Comes the Zoo ("Creature Comforted", "Son of Cha!", "5th Avenue Crazy") Bad Religion - I am a new fan so i downloaded about 20 songs today and i'm utterly obsessed. Go for "American Jesus", "Sorrow", and esp "21st Century (Digital Boy)" Pearl Jam - Yes they have a new live album out--its an acoustic benefit performance from Seattle. "Lowlight", "Daughter", etc... go get it! Or go for a good song like "Undone" from Lost Dogs. Alright i have to be up somewhat early tomorrow so i'm out. Talk to everyone soon. Current Music: Bad Religion - "21st Century (Digital Boy)" (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, July 24th, 2004
12:46 am	Friday night Friday nights are so different back home than at school. Nothing in the summer feels like a weekend... my weekends basically are whenever my friends are free to do something. And tonight they weren't. I got to see Eva a little bit after she worked tonight to wish her luck on her play, I more or less stalked her by showing up where she works. I'm assuming she didn't mind though. Well this week has kind of sucked for anyone who didn't know. Which i'm assuming you guys didn't. I saw Brian and Kevin on Tuesday night and yes i finally got to hang out with Eva back on Monday night. Things have changed since everyone is working all the time now. Kevin works most days, though I'm not terribly close to him in the first place. Usually i hang out with him through Brian, who gets up at 5:30 everyday and gets back from work around 6 or 7 each night. Obviously he tends to be too tired to do much. And of course, Eva has been busier than ever, with her play rehearsals, job, and stat class. This was her hardest week as the play is tomorrow (Saturday) and Sunday, so she was really packed with rehearsals. And I quit the Y on Thursday... but as I was only working 9 hours a week to begin with it wont have too much of an effect on things. Its just nicer to be able to stay out as as late as i want and not worry about what i have to do the next day. And i want to at least be free for part of the summer. Other news--wisdom teeth come out Aug 2 (monday). So i will be mostly out of commission that week. Hopefully people will want to come over and watch movies with me, i'll at least be up for that. Or at least some of you guys can give me a call? You know my number... if you dont i'm not putting it on here. Well you know what time it is. If you dont, read the damn clock thing above my post. Not that late but I've been going to bed a lot earlier since I got back from Europe. By the way the trip was good! I have to get up for Warped Tour tomorrow though, i'm leaving at 10:45 or 11 and not getting back for about 14 hours after that at least. I can't wait till Eva's done with the play and I can see her more often again (of course i'm excited to see the play too!) See you guys. Email me or find me on aim (though emails better since i'm trying to stay off aim a bit). Later Current Music: Saraphine - "Zeta" (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 15th, 2004
2:44 am	UGH! Project! So yes it is 2:16 am and i'm the last one in the computer lab working on my project. This has basically given me a first-hand view of research in the business world, which can be interesting given fewer word limitations. So yeah, we met tonight to discuss our progress on the project (our group is 6 people). The paper is supposed to be 6,000-7,000 words, and what are we at??? 11,000. You have to be shitting me. So the last two hours have been dedicated to trying to cut junk out of my 2000 word portion. I managed to get it down to 1400, but apparently there is a lot to say about aerospace and defense industries in France (who'd have thunk it?) Well, honestly its hard to say how i feel about leaving and going back home. There are some things (important things) that I miss back home. One is a certain lovely girl and the other is MUSIC! I am a complete idiot for not bringing a CD player on this fantastic voyage, but one guy Shannon from University of Kentucky was kind-hearted enough to loan me his cd player for a 5 hour trainride as well as a few long busrides, totalling something like 10 hours that he let me borrow it? He had mp3 cds which had 145 tracks on them, so they kept me entertained for a long time. I ended up buying him some batteries somewhere outside London (which ended up being $9 for a 4-pack... ouch) but for that I think the price was right. I will never travel without a CD player again. 2 weeks in I went through serious local h withdrawal and since no one has heard of them i have not heard a single song in close to five weeks (if you knew me you would probably be laughing right now or at least know what i'm saying). So our other issue is finding a hotel for Saturday night... of course they were terribly vague and didnt give me a clear answer on when to leave, just "the program ends on the 17th." So i assume we have something else to do ON the 17th, right? Wrong. Saturday is when we were supposed to leave. But of course we can stay for the low, low, discounted (yes, his actual word of choice was "discounted") rate of £37 a night. Thats 70 bucks, people. After arguing with him about it and getting nowhere, a few of us have decided to try and get a hotel somewhere else and split the cost 3-4 ways, dropping it down to maybe £10 each which isnt so bad. Saturday I might get to Liverpool and go on some Beatles tour, see the Cavern Club where they started in, etc so that should be a good time (provided i'm not too drunk Friday night, which i most certainly will be). Though i would like to be home for many reasons I have really enjoyed my time out here. I (mostly) got along well with people in my group, and they were a lot of fun to hang out with. Sometimes i wish i had made different choices in who i hung out with--specifically hanging out with the more fun group occasionally. There is maybe one person I could imagine being good friends with if he didn't live all the way in Louisville (though he asked to be invited to my parties next year... the list is up to 54, people!) I can guarantee i will remember this trip forever and I will not forget what it has taught me about myself, about other people, about other cultures, and about business. As for now i'm in a strange mood where I just dont want to sleep but everyone else has been gone for close to a half hour now. I would be more worried about my test tomorrow on the European Union if it wasn't at 2 and if the director didn't say "we try to make it simple." Though i have tended to never believe a word he told me this trip (which most likely has helped more than hurt), i think i'd like to believe him on this one. At this moment i'm just thinking i'll miss Europe. For the first time on this entire trip i've become torn with whether I want to go back or not (whereas the answer before has always been yes). This last week back in the least interesting city on the trip somehow seems more fun than going back and sitting around my house all day (downers grove definitely doesnt cut it in comparison to manchester). I dont know what I want anymore with a lot of this stuff though... i'm almost thinking I could do international business now. I will find it interesting to talk to Eva a bit about the project, as I know she almost considered that as a major. And of course anyone else who's interested, though i will try not to bore you too much. Well thats close to a good half hour (multi-tasking of course). I might write again before I leave but if not i'll talk to you all when I get back home. Keep writing me emails as I check them quite often, and check on aim, i try to be on when I can. Cheers! Current Music: NONE! AHHHH!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 17th, 2004
2:09 am	Europe!!!! OK, I sent an email to basically everyone who reads this (I think) and said i would update somewhat often. Frankly I have not had time to sit down and type. I have handwritten several journal type entries though almost every day i've been here. When i have time to bring them down to this lab and type them I will do so, probably move the date on this one back or something and put the journal dates on here the same as the dates i wrote them. It is fun here though. Mostly pubs to go to but not a huge problem with that. Its nice to meet new people, esp when there are so many out here with me (about 6 from U of I including me, and 32 or so in total). When i leave my journals you'll hear more about it but for now its pretty late (its about 2:15 here whereas its 8:15 back where all of you are) and everyone else has been in bed for an hour, so feel lucky that I spent this time to write. I'll be around for a few days, then off to prague (i will have computer access there so dont fret!) and then spain and france, then back to England for the final week. I'm really looking forward to travelling around more, and i'm pretty happy that I didnt go on that 6 week london trip (thanks sarah for helping me realize how awesome this trip would be!). I'll be around occasionally and hopefully post sooner or later, but for now i'm going to bed. See you all later, and goodnight. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 10th, 2004
11:50 pm	A side note (and some other stuff) BTW since i was pretty tired typing that last post I probably didnt make myself clear. If you want a postcard give me your address (email it to me at my u of i account or something) and I can send you one. I was trying to be smart and sly saying "let me have your address, you'll find out why later" but i probably just confused everyone. Well, there it is. I'm mostly packed but have a few more things to go. I'm just waiting for tomorrow right now when I can see Eva all day, outside of that i'm just tired of packing and planning all this crap. I spent 3 hours after work today trying to find this stupid currency exchange place--in the meantime while i was lost I got a haircut and managed to get my cell back from eva's house to call my parents and ask where the place was. Then basically watched TV back here and planned for the trip. Tomorrow I can finish all that junk and then be on my way Saturday morning...good thing my flight isnt until 10, that means i dont have to worry about leaving my house until 7. So there's my last post for awhile. Depending on my computer access out there, that is. If I can get on often enough I might leave some posts about how my days are going and etc. Though it should be fun I wish you guys could all come with me. In any event, i'll see you guys back at home when I come back, and people at U of I sometime in late July or early August. And when I come back to U of I i'll finally be in my own apartment and officially done with my job at the Y, after 4 long years. Then onto a semester with more work, further classes, my own room, and then an internship in the spring! (Mike don't tell me you aren't happy too about your own room, as much as you were a good roommate and all... having your own space is always good no matter who you could be living with in a double). See you all then. Leave from O'Hare -- June 12, 10 am Manchester -- June 13-19 Prague -- June 20-26 Madrid/Barcelona -- June 27-July 3 Marsailles/Lyon/Paris -- July 4-10 London/Manchester -- July 11-18 Arrive at O'Hare -- July 18, 6 pm? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 9th, 2004
12:58 am	few days... Saturday i'm leaving for Europe. Should be fun, but i'm still kinda anxious about a lot of things. Everyone keeps freaking me out about getting things stolen...not exactly sure what to do with that. I know to be careful but i dont want to be paranoid the entire time i'm over there... eh we'll see. Eva goes down to U of I for the next few days and Brian will be busy with work, so i'm basically packing alone for the most part. At least Eva will come over and see me off at the airport when I'm leaving. Someone at U of I give me your apt address (for no apparent reason, obviously). And anyone else who might want to give me their address "for no reason"... just email me--you know what my email is by now i hope. Maybe its better that I wont be bothered, I still have a lot of crap i supposedly should read before I leave (the health thing might prove to be of at least a little significance...) Kind of scary that adult life is creeping up so fast. Talking to brian and katie recently, they were saying how it seemed so far away back in high school when they started going out (katie was a senior and brian a freshman at COD). Now he's done with undergrad and employed full-time, and katie's looking at getting into U of I (yay!) for her master's. In less than 3 more years i'll be out working myself; scary that it seems like the other day I was still saying "3 and a half years". And scarier that i'll have to be completely financially independent. I know i'm more money observant than other people (at least, more than they claim to be) so its obviously a worry for me. All these damn business books i've read tell me that all I have to do is just think of a good way to make money creatively because i should be smart enough. Frankly, i dont know if I am... but I dont want to be stuck working the rest of my life, especially in a job where I'm already afraid of missing my girlfriend's 21st birthday because of fucking saturday work. I guess my answer to everything is always "we'll see." Not sure if thats the healthiest way to go, but i dont feel like there's much else i can do. For Europe, for money, for jobs, for friendships, for relationships, i guess i'll just see what happens. Current Mood: Tired/weird mood Current Music: Veruca Salt - "Volcano Girls" (yes, again) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004
1:02 am	Home again Hello!! Weekend at U of I was fun... gave me a good idea of what apartment life is all about. Acquiring food and watching bad cable, apparently :-P Anyways, I think next year will be a lot of fun, i'm looking forward to it. I'm also glad to see that food is not as much of a hassle to cook as i thought it would be, and not as expensive as I was afraid of either. I'll be down again sometime in late July or early August (hopefully), we'll see how things work out. Got to see Eva again for a little tonight too. California sounded fun, i'm glad she enjoyed it. Going to Chicago tomorrow for a little, hopefully we can find some fun things to do down there. I guess i'm gonna try to get some sleep since she'll be calling in 9 hours, but first i just might listen to Veruca Salt again. I love rediscovering those old songs over again! Only 30 more of Brian's CDs to sort through...I need to get those back to him before Europe. Another Europe thing... so I got my package with all the info in it and guess what: I have to pay the school when i get out there. Not from home, out there. I dont have a credit card with a limit over $300 (you read that right folks) and i dont think they'll take my Visa debit card out there. So i'll be calling u of i to figure that out, cause i dont want to carry $3000 extra in money and traveller's checks on top of the other money i already need. Goal for tomorrow is to call u of i and figure that crap out. Then i get to go to chicago all day. hard life, huh? OK now i'm really gonna go to bed. night Current Music: Veruca Salt "Volcano Girls" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 27th, 2004
11:40 pm	BORING!!!! OK, so maybe I'm needing Europe about now. I'm so freaking bored... I think probably because i'm going to U of I tomorrow, if that makes sense. Usually I get bored when i know i'm supposed to be doing something interesting soon, which makes the present seem a whole lot crappier. Usually planning for things (packing, reading stuff, etc) is made a billion times worse knowing that i'm actually going to be doing something fun. Went to cedar point earlier this week, pretty fun. I screwed things up though -- eva could have gone too -- but i cant really change that now. It was a good time though and I at least bought her something nice. So down to U of I, hopefully things are working out ok down there. I'll see most everyone again in the few days i'm down (3 days seems like a while though, worth the drive definitely). I'll try to see as many people as i can. so yeah. so much bs to read for europe. i really dont freaking care--i'd rather just go and assume everything goes to plan, which i'm sure it will regardless of whether i read all this shit. I figure they'll tell us everything at some point if its important enough. least i dont have to start packing for another week and a half (prob next saturday/sunday, the first weekend of june). Why does being home suck? no one is here! Eva is leaving for CA tomorrow (hopefully she has fun) and more unfortunately for my weeknights brian has graduated and has an actual fulltime job now. I like seeing eva weeknights but obviously she cant see me every one and theres nothing else for me to do those other nights she's busy. talk online to u of i people. honestly i wouldnt want to be down there taking class so i dont know what i should do. get more friends up here maybe? I kinda stopped talking to people from high school after breaking up with my ex from back then and etc etc i have no friends from there. hmm.... so what else is new around here? i guess i realize how dependent i am on u o f i people. i keep telling myself that at least i'll be working at crowe next spring so i'll be BUSY when i'm up here, and away from home enough to keep my parents from annoying me or becoming bored sitting on the computer all the time. 60 hr weeks will keep me busy and in bed when i'm not at work...except for those few weekends i can come down. i feel like such an emotional freak (a freak with emotions i should say)--everyday i go between being up a huge roller coaster of having too damn many and crying when i listen to a stupid song, all the way to feeling almost nothing (like i do right now). god only knows whats going on with that. i was considering calling up my psych from back in high school and seeing her before i go to europe, just to talk for a little bit--though she'll prob just be excited about me going to europe. i'm sick of everyone being so damn excited about it. i dont get excited about things anymore...guess thats one of the emotional werid things i have. i just feel stupid when everyone else feels more excited about my going than i do myself. when i say that they say not to worry that i'll have fun out there but yeah its easier said than done in my case. i just hate planning shit...i wish i could just be ready and know exactly what i need, do it and go. alright i think thats time to go to bed now. too much boredom. prob play zelda for a while first or something. apparently this was my first REAL journal entry where i just sat down and babbled my thoughts for awhile. others were too organized and edited for people reading them...whatever. see you tomorrow if you go to U of I. if not then i'll be back monday night. seeya (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 16th, 2004
11:25 pm	End of semester The year is over, I am officially a Junior, along with a lot of the rest of you! Hopefully this summer will be fun--for those of you who don't know i'll be in Europe for a good chunk of it (5 weeks) and am still doing stuff to prepare. I'm almost ready... all I have to do is pack more or less, and pay some of those bills as they come in. Also, I will be working at the Y something like 9:30-2 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I will at least be making a little money. And of course for those of you down at school, expect me to come down and visit. As for the last year, it was good. High points and low points, nothing terribly special as far as all of that goes. But of course this time I had a great girl by me for the entire year to help me out with things, and of course to hang out with. Thanks, Eva! But anyways let me talk a little about favorites from the year: Songs of the Year: Pearl Jam - "Undone" Mozart - Piano Concerto No. 17, III Local H - "All The Kids Are Right" Lucky Boys Confusion - "Hey Driver" Album of the Year: Local H - Pack Up the Cats Other notables-- LBC - Commitment Creedence Clearwater Revival - Chronicle Emerging favorite band: Local H. But will they beat out Pearl Jam? Hmm, we'll see... Unfortunately I will miss the Local H concert in Champaign since i'm in Europe, though I would definitely come down if I were home and annoy you guys. I'm one of those people who lives in all tenses: past, present, and future. Maybe I live in the past and future a lot more of the time than I should, thinking too much good about the past, too little good about the future, and too little in general about the present. Whichever I do, I try to remember that all 3 tend to be pretty good, and I have friends like you guys to thank for it. So thank you. Well, you can see what time it is on my journal. Everyone at school has class tomorrow and i'm not doing much here, i'll probably finish unpacking a little more and plug in SNES or watch bebop before bed. I might also be going to Cedar Point soon, apparently! Thanks, Chris! See you all later. Call my cell or home if you want to talk this summer, cause i'll be bored. Email me for it or ask someone else who knows. Night (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 13th, 2004
11:56 pm	Too much to do this week...i shouldnt even be typing this. Fin hw and a music test on friday, my room is still a mess, and i have so many other things to do. Or at least I feel like it. Obviously you can tell i'm not doing so fantastic lately. I'm feeling disconnected from things again. I think maybe I just need a good solid day of work to catch up on stuff (or at least try to). I think hearing earlier today that stress can be a bigger killer than smoking really did me in. There's something wrong and i can't put my finger on it... somehow i'm always stressed out but i dont know how to stop it. Even when i dont have much to do, i seem to find things that bother me. Going to bed probably in an hour or so, after I get a few pokey sticks--prob not the best idea after getting checked for acid reflux and having symptoms, but oh well. For those of you who dont know i was in the hospital mon morning, a quick appointment where they stuck a camera down my esophogus to see if i had reflux symptoms. I was under the whole time and dont remember it at all so it was ok, just the fact i was up at 5:30 sucked. I also dont have my car this week since my dad drove me back afterwards, and i missed 3 classes mon, not to mention that i havent been to Fin for two lectures and i got a 62.5% on my Econ 300 test. Alright, rest time. Current Music: Pearl Jam "Sad" (actually not as depressing as it sounds) (1 Comment |Comment on this)